well let's go into a few principles one
which I already mentioned is that
relationships are really 80% in your
mindset your mindset in your emotions
the beliefs that you have the emotions
that you experience that's really gonna
dictate the quality of relationship you
have you know if you've got negative
beliefs if you're you're struggling you
know with with certain negative emotions
that's gonna be that that's gonna affect
your relationship in a big way and so
understanding that that puts more
importance on really mastering your mind
and emotions what we talked about before
really conquering those beliefs really
conquering whatever is holding you back
and preventing you from getting more to
your partner to loving more to being
know being more vulnerable if necessary
whatever that is a lot of people in
relationship and they're still playing a
game a power struggle they're still
holding back because they don't want to
be too vulnerable because they're afraid
if they go all in then they're gonna ask
something to lose and those come from
fears and beliefs that you've got a
conquer you got to overcome those things
okay so understand that the emotions
that you bring to the relationship are
the most important thing how you show up
in a relationship is everything okay so
80 percent is your mind and your
emotions a relationship is a place you
go to give not to get you got to focus
on meeting the other person's needs and
doing so your needs will also be met
simultaneously so for me I always try to
stop focusing on myself you know there's
different levels of love one level is
you demand it it's all about you second
level is we are trading I'll do this for
you if you do this for me
third level is just unconditional love I
love you no matter what I love you if
you're mean I love you if you if you
know if you're scared if I'm scared I'm
going to love you even if you deserve it
I'm just gonna give unconditional love
because that's who I am that's a higher
level of consciousness in your life if
you can do that just love no matter what
because there's going to be times in
relation
yep your partner might behave in a
certain way but that's not who they are
it's just their behavior in that moment
you know you might see it as anger and
frustration and them getting annoyed or
irritated with you you got to understand
that's not who they are that's just a
reflection of the state that they might
be in or whatever it is that they're
going through but you know their intent
and regardless I'm gonna love that
person no matter what and I'm gonna keep
loving keep giving you know my
girlfriend I we have a relationship
Journal has her vision in it we're
always moving towards you know we have
certain questions we ask herself we do
this every month or every two weeks you
know we sit down we ask herself
what do you love about your partner what
do you cherish about them what do you
appreciate about this person in your
life how can you give more to this
person in your life and we actually go
through this process and it creates a
stronger bond and connection that
creates a foundation for our
relationship and then we also go through
get the guy's name but he's got a book
called the five love languages Gary
Chapman there's five love languages
which are words of affirmation physical
touch quality time acts of service and
gifts okay
words of affirmation physical touch
quality time acts of service and gifts
we all have one or two that are you know
our top love language and you got to
understand that with your partner so you
know for me if I need more words of
affirmation I might need to feel loved
someone that says to me I love you or
someone that complements me or praises
me in some way that makes me feel loved
if the other person is quality time then
okay I got to be more present I got to
spend not just time I have it be quality
time because that's what they need to be
loved everybody has a different love
language so we do a check-in or like
okay you know how am i meeting your love
language is there anything that I can do
to further make you feel loved right so
we have that communication
communications everything you got to
communicate back and forth because if
you don't and something bothers you it
turns into resentment and just builds up
you know keeps building up you don't
communicate it then it's gonna unleash
itself one day
so you gotta communicate you got to have
that honesty tony robbins has a great
process called the six human needs we
all have six needs one for certainty
uncertainty significance connection and
love growth and contribution so we sit
down we say okay on a scale from zero to
ten how certain do you feel in this
relationship
how much security how much certainty do
you feel okay if it's a low then what
can I do to create more certainty how
much variety spontaneity fun adventure
do you feel okay what can I do to bring
that to a ten how significant do you
feel in this relationship how important
or unique okay what can I do to bring
that up
how much connection and love do you feel
how much do you feel that we're growing
together how much do you feel that I'm
giving to you or were contributing to
each other so we're always focused on
meeting each other's needs when you meet
the person's needs at a high level
you'll have a love slave you'll have
somebody that they're so fulfilled by
you meeting their needs they'll never be
able to leave you because the times when
the person will leave you or there'll be
issues or because you're not meeting
their needs at a high level not based on
how you think their needs should be met
but how they really need their needs to
be met okay so that's why you got to
focus on okay how can I make my partner
feel more significant or feel more
growth or whatever it is that they
really need okay so getting outside
yourself because what kills
relationships is selfishness being just
focused on yourself and you've got to
get outside yourself you got to focus
I'm meeting the needs of your partner
another principle that I have is that
you are responsible for everything in a
relationship you are responsible really
for everything in your life because on
some level you manifested that are
created that in some way or a part of
that process and again even if it's not
necessarily true but you take an
ownership of it it gives you control
over that as well you might look at your
partner and blame them that they're a
certain way or they're they're not like
this or they're doing this or whatever
it is really what you got to do is
you've got to look at yourself and be
like okay what am i doing that is maybe
contributing to this or
what could I change in myself a lot of
relationships are just fighting about
each other they're arguing back and
forth that was my parents you know
always fighting back and forth with each
other and if they had just looked at
okay how can I improve myself and be
more loving or or maybe maybe you know
if this happened I feel insecure that's
something that's not them it's me I got
a I could even work on that within
myself I gotta improve or change that
within myself so I always look at myself
first because the issue is if you just
always blame your partner then you're
gonna move on to another relationship
you're gonna take you with you and
you're gonna have the same pattern the
same process again the next person so
you really got to look at yourself and
be honest with yourself
how are you showing up you're
responsible for things I'm responsible
even if you know if I if I might have
said something even though it might have
been like a thing that wasn't even
offensive but my girlfriend takes
offense to it
I still take ownership and
responsibility for that I never I never
blame each other we never accuse each
other of things we always know also that
we both have a positive intent and that
we never question that you know I know
that my girlfriend loves me no matter
what she knows I love her no matter what
sometimes the behavior might be
different because I might be tired I
might be stressed or I might be going
through a lot but we never take that
personally in any way
you
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