THE DANGERS OF SELF-DEVELOPMENT ☠️ #Best Education Page #Online Earning

hi my name's Stefan James and today I'm

going to share with you that dangers of

self development now you're likely

watching this right now because you're

already into self development and I

think that's a great thing it's great

that you want to improve yourself to be

the best that you can be and also to

create the best life possible for

yourself

and for those that you love self

development has changed my life in so

many incredible ways it's made me who I

am and I'm so incredibly grateful for

other people sharing generously their

expertise their knowledge their

experiences so that I can benefit and

learn that and apply that to myself in

my life that's made me who I am today

and I've been involved in self

development for over 15 years at a very

deep deep level and while it's great I

think there's so many incredible

benefits to it you should absolutely

have an open mind to improve and be the

best that you can be I have however

noticed that there are some dangers and

there's a few roadblocks that I see a

lot of people kind of hid as they get

into self-development and I want to

spend some time on this video addressing

that for you that some of the things

that I mentioned here you might be going

through or just by you getting into

self-development you might have noticed

these challenges that have come along

with it that are actually negatively

affecting your life and that should

never be the intention or purpose of

self development because self

development is a way for you to have

awareness of the things I'm going to

mention to you but other things as well

so that you can make progress and

improve and change those things so that

again you could be more whole you can be

the best version of yourself possible so

let me share some of the dangers with

you from my experience going through

these things but also working with a lot

of people and you know doing this for

over 15 years I think one of the biggest

dangers that I see a lot of people that

get into self-development

get caught up with is information

overload you see there's so much

information that's available for free

and I think that's a great thing you

know it's great because of the inner

that you know you can access any you

know the answer to any question that you

might have you can learn from other

people on YouTube or podcasts or blogs

or social media whatever it might be and

as a incredibly valuable to be able to

consume all that information and

knowledge to be able to apply it to

yourself but the challenge that a lot of

people face is too much information and

I think it actually encourages more of

what I call a dabbler mentality a

dabbler way of living where you know

people they learn all this information I

think that more information is going to

serve and benefit them and help them

improve but oftentimes I see you do the

opposite often times I see people are

just consuming more more information and

they get overwhelmed to get overloaded

and they don't actually do anything with

it and the purpose of this knowledge and

information the power that it has not

just in consuming it but actually doing

something with it applying it that's the

real power knowledge is only potential

power the real power is when you take

that knowledge and you apply it you

implement it to yourself

or your life in some way shape or form

and so a lot of people there's consuming

more and more information they go to the

seminar after seminar course after

course you know I've been to a lot of

seminars now and often times you see the

people that are there that are known as

a seminar junkies right these are the

people that go to seminar after seminar

after seminar and I see them they're you

know the same time again and again and I

hey how's it going how's your life going

and their life is the same it's not

improving because they get a feeling of

significance just for showing up to

these events or they feel good about

themselves just because they learn

something but their life doesn't change

unless they actually do something with

it and they apply it and they think that

just by consuming more information and

knowledge their life's gonna change and

that's not and I've noticed this to be a

problem of having a YouTube channel and

I conflicted with it because here I have

over a thousand plus videos that I've

made freely
available for you for other

people to benefit and was chram an

incredible benefit that people have

people send me messages all the time

about how I've changed their life which

is great but with over 31 million views

to my YouTube channel

and millions of more on my blog and

podcast one thing that's been

disappointing is that very few people

actually do anything with what I share

with them and sometimes I feel a

disservice to them like you know I

should put in so much other for free

maybe it's actually better that I create

products and courses that are more

in-depth that can actually meet people's

needs and serve them at a deeper level

rather than just more more freely

available content because there's

already so much of that it's already

available so you got to be careful not

getting caught up in information

overload and analysis paralysis which

just keeps you more in your head right

it keeps you stuck and you know you have

so much information you don't know what

to do with it and all you know sometimes

you get all this information it's

conflicting you and they're trying to

learn about how you can improve your

health and your diet and here you learn

about the Paleo diet and then this guy

over here says you should do the

ketogenic diet and this person says you

should do that Acton's diet and this

person says you should do intermittent

fasting and then you know you're all you

have all this information and it's all

conflicting with everything and you

don't know what you should do and

sometimes what's better what I think is

a better solution for this is to conquer

the dabbler

okay the dabbler always wants the

newness the shiny object to think that

more information is going to solve it

listen more information is not the

solution

we're a society that's drowning in

information but it's starving for wisdom

and instead you got to commit to what I

call mastery mastery that you don't need

to have all this information you already

have most likely more than enough

information but you need structure you

need a plan to put it into action and

apply it to your life right you actually

need to commit to mastery and narrow

your focus and put on the blinders and

focus you know what I'm gonna go deep on

this I'm gonna go deep on really

improving this one aspect of my life for

the next three months right hey you know

I'm gonna go deep I'm really learning

this you know if it's learning a certain

subject to self-development going deep

with that learn it without trying to

figure out how can I apply this to my

life and how can i implement it and how

can I you know you know really

internalize it and integrate it to be a

part of me so much so that I can master

it and teach it to other people right I

believe that we've lost in this society

more

formation of self development we've lost

the mastery mentality you know you're

just always getting more more

information thrown at you and the the

real masters throughout history whether

it's Leonardo da Vinci or Michelangelo

or you know you know Henry Ford or

Thomas Edison or these people throughout

history Bruce Lee right these are people

that mastered their craft mastered

certain concepts and ideas that have

really enriched their life so I think

the ability to focus and utilize

information properly and prioritizing

and if you're gonna consume and take it

in but have a plan be strategic about

your learning I think that is extremely

important and valuable okay in fact for

myself I don't really consume that much

just random information on YouTube and

bouncing around and stuff like that I'm

very strategic about what I learned I

have a plan for my learning my

self-development I decide you know what

this month I'm focusing on this or this

week I'm focusing on this and if I'm

gonna get information oftentimes I'm

thinking hey you know what how can I go

find a coach how can I get a course or a

seminar or a program that's more

in-depth more structured more quality

information because I've only have so

much time I'm going to put that time in

the best quality information of the best

sources possible rather than just

aimlessly you know reading books or

watching podcasts or videos out there I

think having a plan for it is incredibly

valuable

okay so that was one of the first

dangers and the solutions for it the

next one I'd say is developing too many

rules and restrictions in your life I

see this happen time and time again and

it was a big challenge for me you know

you're getting into self-development

you're learning all this great things

that can change your life and improve it

and you say and you hear from you know

all these different people you've got to

do this this this this this this and

this and you start doing each of these

things for awhile and you create these

rituals for yourself and these habits

and these and before you know what they

all become these rules and restrictions

and you create this unrealistic way of

living and being this ideal that's

impossible for you to actually live up

to you create this perfection

mindset and you look up to the people

that you're learning this from as

perfect human beings that you know

you've got to do this exactly as they

say or exactly every single day and

often what I see is that creates a lot

of pain in people's lives because when

you have all these rules you have these

rules I've got to wake up at 5:00 a.m.

and then I've got to do this ritual and

then I've got to you know not have these

negative thoughts and I'm gonna meditate

two hours a day and I've got to you know

be reading every day and I've got to you

know do this and this and what happens

is you it's great you have all these

things you're doing but what happens

when you don't do it what happens when

you create more and more of these things

you can't live up to and now when you

violate your rules and what you think

you should be doing you're musts what

happens is you give yourself pain you

beat yourself up you feel like you're

not enough and you get frustrated and

then you go this downward spiral where

you're like man you know what

let's get you know why even bother why

even do this you get jaded about it none

of this stuff works right and then you

try to get back on track again and you

get some momentum and then before you

know it you mess up if you violate one

of your rules you didn't show up you

didn't do this whatever it is you beat

yourself up and then for a lot of people

they create so many of these that

they're always in pain they're always

kicking their ass they're always beating

themselves up they're on the pain train

and I was living that way for so many

years when I first got into

self-development I believed I had to do

all these things all these rules and

restrictions and some understanding

these are great habits to have in your

life but hey you know what if you miss a

day that's okay right if you're trying

to follow a certain diet and you get off

track for a little bit that's okay do

not you know sometimes a little bit of

pain is useful to get yourself back on

track but if you're creating is

unrealistic way of living that you're

always in pain and always beating

yourself up that's a big part of the

problem in fact the problem is that when

people always beat themselves up their

brain they're teaching their brain why

even try why you can go for it why even

put in this effort to do this if all I'm

getting is paying for not being perfect

what I believe instead is you got to

learn to reward yourself something

that's not talked about enough in

self-development you've got to learn

that when you are doing something good

for your life for others you better

reward yourself to reinforce it because

whatever it gets rewarded gets repeated

whatever you reinforce become stronger

and a part of who you are right you know

there's a great book called don't shoot

the dog right it's all about how to

train animals but also human behavior

and what they found is that the worst

way to train an animal or a human is

through negative reinforcement to punish

the dog for barking to punish the dog

for you know peeing or pooping in the

living room to punish it for not

listening to you that's the worst way

because by giving pain you're you're

basically gonna creep you're gonna rebel

that animals get a rebel against you so

instead what they found is positive

reinforcement is the better way to

actually train an animal but also

ourselves that every time that an animal

does something right or even close to it

you should reward it with praise you

know it's just like you know a baby that

learns how to walk you know if you have

a kid and he's trying to learn how to

walk are you getting upset and yelling

at the kid and punishing him because

he's not able to walk yet know even the

smallest sign of the baby walking and

you know even if they walk and fall down

you're praising them you're saying good

job and you're giving all this love and

attention which encourages the baby to

keep trying and learning and doing it

again and again to reinforce that

pattern so you have to be careful with

too many rules and restrictions you got

to be careful being too hard on yourself

which we all are you got to learn how to

love yourself more you're gonna learn

how to reward yourself and praise

yourself and acknowledge and look at all

the things that you are doing well and

you're good at ok because there's always

those things available I get people that

come to me all the time and Stefan I'm

having a hard time this this and this

they're just beating themselves up and

like wait a minute you're not even

acknowledging all the great things that

you're doing you're not acknowledging

how many days a week that you did do it

how many days throw out the month you

were making progress or you did do those

right things success breeds more success

you can only build off success not

failure so it's a different mindset that

I want you guys to as you're learning

self-development to not get caught up in

that danger and learn to love and

appreciate yourself

a lot more than along the way the next

thing I have for you guys is a danger of

self development of not feeling like

you're you're good enough and often

that's what feeds the self development

for a lot of people because you know a

lot of you that are getting into self

development or in it right now you're

doing it because you have problems in

your life you have challenges you feel

like you're not good enough and you're

looking to improve and that's a great

thing you know I say that people change

their life either at a desperation or

inspiration and for most people it's

desperation when you hit rock bottom and

hit that threshold and you make a

decision they're gonna change your life

around so most of us we have that moment

but there comes a time where you have to

learn to love yourself more and

understand that you're doing self

development not because you there's

something wrong with you or that you're

broken need to be fixed but mostly

because you're great you love yourself

the way you are but you just want to

improve yourself even further there's a

big difference it's a big important

distinction what I just shared with you

okay so you're doing it a lot of people

what happens is a lot of this salt of

element gets marketed to them in a way

that you're not good enough you're not

attractive enough right the whole health

and fitness industry or you're not good

enough you know and you have all these

problems in your life and they're

pointing out these things that are

problems that people know how to wear

this of but they never just gonna live

their whole life doing self development

trying to solve all these problems or

this empty hole that they're trying to

fulfill that they're not good enough and

they never get there you know and they

always have that deep-rooted

insecurities so I think that you have to

start with the foundation that you are

enough okay you're amazing just the way

that you are and learning how to love

yourself I think that's one of the most

important things because when you do

love yourself and you're meeting in

fulfilling your own needs now when

you're learning and growing it's not out

of lack it's not out of insecurity but

it's out of I'm already whole and great

but hey how can I expand myself even

further how can I have more love in my

life more happiness more joy more

success more abundance more whatever it

might be okay so that difference is very

important

love yourself very important now the

next thing I would say is always wanting

more as a danger you know I I had the

privilege of seeing Wayne Dyer speak

before he passed away and one thing that

we in Dyer would say is that

more-more-more

is the mantra of the ego you see more is

something that can never really be

fulfilled

we all have six human needs something

that Tony Robbins talks about we have a

need for certainty security okay the way

things being a certain way you have a

need for uncertainty variety surprise

excitement we have a need for

significance to feel special and

important or unique a need for

connection and love also need for growth

and need for contribution now

significance is what a lot is a need

that a lot of people are trying to meet

through self-development they feel like

they're not enough the insecurities what

I mentioned before and they believe that

by becoming more significant they will

eventually be enough but the problem is

these six needs we all find a way to

meet these needs but there's one or two

of them that we prioritize more than

everything else that determines that our

entire future and our decisions in life

and most people in society they value

significance way too much and the

problem with that is you're guaranteed

never to be happy and fulfilled because

as long as you're driven by significance

you're always going to be comparing

yourself to other people right you're

gonna compare yourself and see well all

these other people are doing better than

me and so therefore I makes you feel

insignificant not enough which forces

you to grow and improve and that's great

for growth and improving yourself but

you'll never be happy because there's

always going to be people that are

further ahead than you or better than

what you know in certain areas of life

that you're always going to feel

inferior or insignificant to it also

screws you over as well because you

never have enough you need more and more

and more and more and more and you're

always feeding that ego that's within

yourself and you'll never be

is satisfied and I think it's you know

it's it is useful to want more to grow

and expand that's great it's a beautiful

thing that self development provides but

you can't be doing it under the need for

significance you can't be doing it

because you feel insignificant and this

is just a way to meet that need even

further you have to do it instead to

prioritize these other needs more than

significance you can still have that

need it's great but to value these other

needs more important more importantly

such as growth or contribution or a

connection and love those needs have no

downside to them see for me it's pretty

easy to tell people that know me one of

my top two meats is growth way more than

significance because I believe that if I

grow I will automatically meet that need

of significance contribution is a high

need for me as well if I contribute to

other people's lives they will make me

feel significant I get people every day

that tell me I've changed their life and

I don't need to work for significance it

just shows up in my life because of my

growth and contribution you see so it's

difficult to get into this it's such a

deep thing that that I'm giving guys

awareness of now but it's one of the

most important things that you can learn

when it comes to self-development is I

understand how you're living your life

which needs you're trying to meet

they're controlling your life and

determining it and learning how to shift

and condition yourself to not be so

driven by significance or certainty

which are the two worst ones to allow to

determine your life but how to live your

life out of more love growth your

contribution so understanding it's great

to want more but it's the source and

where you're going how you're coming

about it and what you're doing it for I

think is important to acknowledge and

understand because it will have a

long-term negative effect that can

really hurt your life in a really

negative way okay and another thing I'll

share with you guys I think is a lack of

balance you see I think a lot of people

that get into self-development and they

have a certain problem and they focus on

certain areas of their life to grow and

improve it which is great but oftentimes

they do

so at the expense of other aspects of

their life I believe that self

development the truest form of life

masteries what I call it is having that

balance so that you're giving attention

to all aspects of your life so that you

can be the best you can in all of them

you know I know plenty of people there

in the self development who are

incredibly successful financially but

the rest of their life is a disaster

there's plenty of people like that and

also one of the dangers is are a lot of

people they're trying to learn from and

study those people they're trying to

learn from a Mark Cuban who's an

incredible entrepreneur and they want to

be like him and I agree this incredible

things to model from that person in

terms of business and success but you've

got to understand that a billionaire a

lot of them and I know quite a few they

are looked up to because they have this

financial a success as an entrepreneur

but you would not want to model their

relationships you would not want to

model their their experience with their

kids and their family you would not want

to model their health and how they treat

their body right you would not want to

model them in a spiritual perspective

because they're not living themselves a

spiritual life and so you have to be

careful for your role models are I think

it's very useful to say ok this is a

role model for business this is a role

model for health okay this is a role

model for spirituality for relationships

etc finances but always always make sure

you're making progress in every aspect

of your life don't just be the guy who's

rich or the woman that's rich and has

all the financial success and feel

significant but you don't have a

relationship with their kids that you

don't have love and passion in your life

that you're not enjoying your love your

life to the fullest they don't have a

spiritual connection with your Creator

they don't have gratitude and joy and

appreciation and time and attention for

what really matters in your life the

most and what really truly is gonna give

you the deepest levels of fulfillment

you know I've had I've made a lot of

money in my life and it's great but it's

not the most important area of my life

by far my business is not the most

importance my mission is my vehicle to

serve

people but I also understand that the

joy that I get from it is nothing

compared to what I can get from my

relationship it's nothing compared to

the mindset and the emotions that I have

or me caring for and loving my body and

treating it the best way because my body

is my temple that allows me to

experience everything through allows me

to experience this gift of life if I

don't take care of that

then what's all the money for you know

your health is your wealth I don't want

to be the richest man in the graveyard I

want to make sure that I take care of

what's more important than just making

money which a lot of people in

self-development I feel they neglect and

they just focus on business and money

and they're not taking care of their

temple they're not taking care of their

mindset emotions you see that's when you

get Robin Williams who achieves all the

success but kills himself that's how you

get an Elvis Presley you've achieved all

the success and kills themself that's

how you you know you see all these

different people and countless examples

of them a John Belushi people that gain

all the significance of other people

loving them and they had all the success

in the world but they didn't take care

of what mattered most

the other areas of life that are always

going to bring you the biggest returns

and if they put even a fraction of the

effort energy they've put in their

career to their health or mindset their

emotions and relationships or spiritual

life they'd have a totally different

quality of life but it's challenging

once they have now been exposed and

achieved all this success and that's

their identity and who they are and they

have all this pressure as a celebrity

from the outside world their agents and

fans and all the sort of thing to

maintain that and so they have to put so

much focus into that but it comes at a

cost of taking away other aspects of

their life and there's nothing wrong

with doing that temporarily you know

I've done that and I just say you know

what I'm going to spend a few years of

my life working on my business or a few

years mastering finances that's fun you

have to go out of balance at times in

your life but as long as you return to

Center as long as you return to that

balance that's what's most important

then you don't just go off focus in this

one direction but you're not nurturing

and taking care of these other aspects

of your life right because if you

you that it's gonna hurt you you're

gonna have to pay a price and the

challenge with that is sometimes

whatever because most familiar right if

you're just a career oriented person and

that's familiar for you that's just

what's known that's what you're

comfortable with that's your comfort

zone and you know you're gonna stick

with that because the devil you know is

better than the devil that you don't

know you're not going to venture off

that's gonna require you to change to

push your comfort zone a huge way and

give up some of that which is a

terrifying thing for a lot of people so

I think having this awareness early on

and as you go is incredibly important

because man one of the most

disappointing times of my life is

meeting billionaires and when I was a

young kid trying to learn

self-development I looked up to these

people and I met them and I was so

disappointed I said then that's what

success looks like that's what I'm

trying to model and be like this

billionaire who's got all this money and

people look up to on a pedestal but is

you know physically not taking care of

their body that doesn't have

relationships that doesn't have a great

relationship with their kids and the

spiritual life and all these different

things I'm like man I've got to find

some new role models I've got to find

some models for health and relationships

and I got to find people to have it all

or I got to find people that are living

their life based on my criterias of

success which is more life mastery right

to have that great balance in their life

and their more whole and I'll leave you

guys with one more danger which is the

hustle mentality the hustle mentality

now this is advocated and promoted a lot

online right there's certain influencers

and experts that say you gotta hustle

and hustle is great advice if you're a

lazy person if you need to be taking

massive action in your life if you need

to you know if that that advice is

incredibly important for so many people

and was for me as well and still is to

this day but they don't teach you the

other aspects you see Carl Jung great

psychologist he taught about different

art types that we have and we use

different archetypes from mythology as a

way of living our lives and one of them

are tights is of the king warrior

magician

lover you might have heard of this

before we all have these different art

types within us we all have a warrior a

warrior is our ability to hustle to get

done our ability to tap in that

resourcefulness that side of ourselves

of doing whatever it takes a warrior

says if there's a wall hey I'm gonna

break through the wall I'm gonna go over

it I'm gonna go under it I'm gonna get

around the wall in some way shape or

form that's a warrior

we all need a warrior within us okay

that's a part of us that we need to be

able to access but there's also another

side of us an archetype which is the

magician the magician is able to

accomplish things and do things without

the effort and the force that a warrior

needs to do a magician can use its its

ability to believe or have faith or to

manifest to create things without having

to put in the actions that a warrior

would have to do that's another part of

yourself you have to cultivate and

develop we also have the king the king

is the one that hey doesn't need to be

the one that's out on the battlefield

and hustling I mean you know the king

get a different perspective the king is

able to direct things and design things

and have altitude and different

experience of looking at things where

the Warriors on the field the King has a

totally different perspective on what's

going on and there's also a lover a side

of us that loves that is able to give

and receive love and understand that

love is the most important thing love is

often what we're doing all for you think

you want to be significant but only

because you condition yourself to

believe that if I'm significant and I'll

be loved because as a child we all have

a certain blueprint or a belief that

we've created that we believe that what

we have to do to be loved because we're

all born in them conditional love every

baby that's born has to be loved to

survive if they're not loved it's called

failure to thrive syndrome and a baby

will physically die so we need love we

need physical attention but when you're

a kid and all of a sudden you know

you're getting this unconditional love

from your parents because they have

oxytocin they have to love you and then

all of a sudden when that

Tosun wears off and you're not getting

that same love or attention and all of a

sudden you realize hey you know what if

I scream or I yell or if I do something

significant then I get the attention

from my parents and they give me this

love and attention and all of a sudden

you have a belief that if I am

significant I'm loved and you live your

whole life that way or if I'm funny and

I get people's attention or I make them

laugh than I'm loved right we all have

this blueprint that we've learned as a

kid that determines how we live and

that's why I'm a big believer in

understanding this and then using self

developments the deep self development

these are things that you know I can

certainly help you guys with I've been

in this for a long time but a lot of the

surface level self development that's

out there isn't going to go deep into

what I think is this understanding of

some of these potential dangers and how

to really get to the root cause of

things so the hustle mentality is the

warrior and that's incredibly useful but

there's a time where it's not always

going to be useful for you and you have

to learn and recognize these other parts

of yourself and cultivate them as much

if not more than just a warrior I have a

warrior I can tap into if I need to get

done but it's not doesn't define

who I am and warrior can lead the hustle

that can lead to burnout not allowing

you to get perspective and altitude to

look at the bigger picture of things the

hustle mentality hey you know what I

know a lot of people they're hustling

and they're already super successful I'm

like why are you still hustling the way

you have you did before right you're at

a different stage of your life now it's

great to still hustle but now let's be

more elegant let's try to get more done

with less efforts what a concept that is

right let's learn how to lose leverage

more let's either be smarter let's learn

to hustle you have to do that way for a

stage of your life but you're also going

to be whole and cultivate these other

aspects of yourself as well otherwise

you're just a hustle machine right and

these people that I see that you know

are still hustling like crazy I'm like

it's great but are you able to turn it

off are you able to understand there's

all these other aspects of yourself so

you can be more whole

human being because the hustle that I

see a lot of people continue to live in

does not lead to happiness and joy and

fulfillment so self Devon is a great

thing but and it's not your fault right

you know I've encountered these dangers

as well but I think you know as you go

through this journey you have to have

awareness of these potential traps and

dangers it can fall into and it's not

the fault of self development really

either I think there's so much self

development out there for every aspect

of life but I think there's certain

pieces of it that are more important

than others that we need to make sure we

are understanding along the way that

we're loving ourselves that we're

cultivating or who we are we're being

intelligent about the information that

we're using we're being strategic about

it rather than just kind of blindly

consuming information and taking this

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