3 Ways To Improve Your Communication Skills #Best Education Page #Online Earning

hey this is stefan from

projectlifemastery.com and today i'm

gonna share with you guys three ways for

you to improve your communication skills

now for me back when I was in high

school I used to be painfully shy I was

the shy quiet kid didn't have her many

friends most people didn't even know

that I existed to be honest because I

would just sit in the corner I'd try to

avoid all the different social scenarios

out there because often times when I be

with a group of people I'd be the quiet

awkward kid and you know sure enough

other people would tease me or make fun

of me because when other people sense

that you're weak they look at you as a

target by them making fun of you and

teasing you and making jokes oftentimes

it elevates their status and makes them

seem cool or funny or popular by

bringing you down so for me this created

a lot of pain in my life this created a

lot of suffering and at that stage of my

life I I finally hit a threshold I

finally decided when I was 17 years old

that I have to change this area in my

life I have to learn how I can

communicate with people because most of

what I wanted in my life involved

communication I mean at that stage of my

life I wanted friends I wanted to be

popular I wanted a girl friends and that

all requires communication skills but

also communication is what's going to

allow you to be able to make more money

and change other aspects of your life as

well

and so for me I did a lot to immerse

myself to improve this area of my life

and I eventually did and I started

coaching and helping other people with

this but one thing I noticed in common

with all great communicators oftentimes

people they focus on what someone's

saying they're worried too much about

the words and how they articulate

themselves for me that's not what makes

a really great communicator I look at

communication all great communicators

have an incredible level of confidence

and comfort a confidence in who they are

a confidence and how they communicate

and what they say oftentimes great

communicators aren't necessarily that

the person that is the one that's the

life of the party and always you know

the one that's talking the most I think

that's a big misconception that a lot of

people have they think that I have to be

more talkative but oftentimes a great

communicator could be someone that

doesn't feel that need to always be

talking to dominate the conversations

because they're comfortable within

selves to just kind of lay back and

listen observe and make comments here

and there there's many different styles

of communication I think it's important

to understand that don't think that you

have to be that most talkative personnel

there because oftentimes that person

that is trying to be the life of the

party and showing off and trying to make

everyone laugh and you might look at

them as being very charismatic for me

what I see is someone often times it can

be very insecure you know oftentimes

that person's doing things like that in

order to make themselves to be more

popular or cool or you know show off to

other people but oftentimes it can stem

from insecurity so understand first and

foremost there's many different ways and

styles of communication I think it's

important to be able to cultivate all

these different styles within yourself

whether it's the ability to go in an

environment and be the more talkative

person maybe just stand up in front of a

stage and audience or in front of a

camera and be able to communicate

effectively to maybe different social

scenarios where you're the person that's

actually making other people feel better

about themselves by giving them the

space to communicate and talk more and

norm or the listener you're more the

passive one in that situation because

besides confidence having that that

congruence I think great communicators

what makes them great is they make other

people that they're communicating with

feel good feel empowered feel feel

comfortable and I don't know if you've

ever been in a scenario before with

someone it's a pet peeve of mine when

you're talking to someone and they're

just dominating the conversation they

don't even give you room to say anything

you know it's all about them it's a

ninety nine ninety five percent

conversation then five or ten percent

you and then oftentimes you get

frustrated by that because that's some

of us just talk and talk and talk and

talking they're actually not having any

regard for you that's not effective

communication again effective

communication I think that both people

involved or everybody involved

it feels good there's a level of

connection a level of rapport that's

accomplished where you know you know

people like you they like communicating

with you

so I think that's one of the most

important goals of communicating is

learning how to make other people like

you that might be in some say

scenarios being more talkative one it

might be in some scenarios letting the

other person talk and then you just

trying to make them feel good by

listening to them or acknowledging them

you know and empowering them in that way

so when it comes to a few different ways

I think a few different things I want to

share with you guys is first is the

confidence piece because often the

greatest communicators again it's not

they're not saying the perfect words and

the perfect times or not you know

sometimes they say elmora or you know or

they have things like that but what

makes them unique is they have that

confidence that comfort within

themselves they have congruence

congruence is when what they say and

what they believe is aligned so when

they say something you can feel it you

can sense it you can feel the energy in

what they're saying there's a level of

congruence there and I think a big part

of that confidence comes from competence

you know for me when I was shy what I

had to do did really improve this area

of my life is I had to put myself in

tons of social scenarios because part of

the reason why my communication skills

were lacking is because I didn't

communicate you know I'd spend all day

all night in front of the computer and

you know I had to reverse that I had to

start doing the opposite where I got rid

of all the video games all the things

that I was doing there I spent all this

time out in the real world around

friends and going in for meetup groups

and events and things of that nature and

the reality and the truth is I was

painfully shy nervous and anxiety I had

a lot of fear but I reframed that I

think there's a different way you got to

look at that fear that anxiety that you

have oftentimes will feel that and they

shy away even more but I actually view

if you're not feeling that anxiety that

fear then that's a sign that you're not

growing

I woke them I embrace that because when

I feel that discomfort I know that this

is an opportunity for me to overcome it

you know I remember I would I would

purposely find scenarios that would make

me uncomfortable that would make me shy

that would make me anxious that would

make me insecure and I'd put myself in

those scenarios on purpose to force

myself to learn how to be

comfortable with them I would do it

again and again and again and again I

remember I used to go to nightclubs by

myself in some scenarios a Friday

Saturday night I you know go by myself

no alcohol whatsoever and I'd be

oftentimes at first the guy that's is

standing around with the glass of water

feeling awkward feeling stupid feeling

silly look at everyone else having fun

and I used to get so caught up in my

head but then by doing that enough times

I would force myself to talk to people I

forced myself you know before I went out

to the bar the club that put myself in a

great state to talk to the doorman to

talk to the host to talk to people there

and learn how to eventually be

comfortable in that said that's it that

situation because I knew if I could get

comfortable in that situation where one

of the most difficult and challenging

situations out there where as loud music

there's flashing lights everyone's drunk

and it's chaotic if I can get

comfortable and confident there then how

much more confident and comfortable

would I be when I'm at the bar or the

club with my friends how much more

confident comfortable would I be if I'm

at a coffee shop or I'm at a party I

mean once you've been push yourself to

those difficult scenarios everything

else becomes easy so that's how I look

at things and that's how you develop

that confidence is putting yourself in

those scenarios where it is

uncomfortable it is challenging it does

make you feel weird and awkward and

trust me you're gonna have many times

where you're gonna say the weird thing

the awkward thing you're gonna laugh at

you they're gonna make fun of you

they're gonna reject you all right those

are all things you're gonna have to go

through but understand whenever that

happens that's a gift that's a challenge

for you to grow become more welcome and

embrace that because that's how you're

gonna really develop that confidence and

be able to be that kind of person that

can communicate in any different

environment out there so confidence is

number one that's the most important

thing I'd say the next way that you can

really improve your communication skills

is understand that most of communication

is not your words again there's actually

a study that was done that said that 93

percent of all communication is not the

words but it's your voice and your body

language

and only 7% are the words so if you have

the spectrum here a lot of people what

do they focus on the words what am I

gonna say they worry they think about

that so much but the reality is it's not

that important it's not what you say is

how you say it okay very important you

can use the same words two people could

say the same things but it will come

across totally different people respond

totally different based on how you say

it so how you say it is very important

that's what you have to really cultivate

the most and cultivating their

confidence as I mentioned but also your

nonverbal communication because in any

communication between anybody two people

or a group there's the words there's a

surface level but there's also sub

communication there's a deeper level of

communications going on that most people

aren't even aware of that are

influencing them that comes down to the

eye contact okay oftentimes great

communicators people that you know

people other people respect they respond

to you they communicate their confidence

based on their eye contact right making

sure you have eye contact with the

people that you're committed

communicating with you know if you're

talking to somebody and you're looking

away or you're acting aloof again that's

actually hurting the communication

because it's not making the other person

feel good in any way right but when you

actually look at someone and you

communicate that way when you're

speaking and you're making eye contact

it shows confidence and and congruence

and what you're saying but also when

someone's speaking back to you and

you're also giving them eye contact

you're showing acknowledgement you're

listening you're paying attention to

them which everybody wants to feel

significant they want to feel important

right if you've ever been in a

conversation with someone you're talking

and they're even looking at you it's

like you know is this are you even

important enough for this person to

communicate with you know so that's

going to come across in a negative way I

contact their body language how you

stand shoulders up how you project your

voice projecting with a loud clear

resonant voice projecting from your

diaphragm not up here in your chest

learning how to project what you're

saying using gestures and body language

you know when you're speak

and you you know make a point or use

your hands that's gonna engage people a

lot more your facial expression smiling

your eyes all the different muscles in

your face using them when you

communicate you know turning towards the

person how you position your body all of

these things are incredibly important

when you are communicating with the

other person so learning how to really

be comfortable in communicating

oftentimes when you're confident you

know often the body language kind of

manifests itself because you know when

you're confident you naturally make eye

contact you naturally speak loud and and

comfortable comfortably with ease and so

that's why I think confidence is one of

the more important pieces so understand

it's not what you say it's how you say

it focus on your body language be aware

of that you know obviously be aware of

your breath when you communicate even

how you dress communicate something as

well you know often communication again

it's not just what you say but it's the

nonverbal people are picking up they're

judging you constantly whether we like

it or not based on how we look how we

stand how we move how we communicate and

so making sure you're dressed well

you're well groomed all those things are

going to make a difference and how other

people respond to you and the last piece

I want to share is really learning how

to listen and really hear me now really

listen to what I just said cuz I know a

lot of you up there saying yeah yeah I

already know that I already know that I

should listen more but I want you to

hear the deeper message the deeper

meaning of this of what it really means

to listen listen does not just mean that

the other person is talking and you're

just there you know taking in what

they're saying while you're working on

your computer or while you're thinking

about something else that's not

listening real listening is when you're

truly present with the person that

you're communicating with when not only

you're just looking at them but you're

feeling them you're sensing them you're

actually paying attention you're not off

somewhere else in your head you're not

up here micromanaging and thinking about

what you're gonna say next

they're not up here judging them on this

or that or thinking about what else you

have to do that's not listening other

people on a very subtle level they can

sense your

presence they can sense right now when

I'm talking you guys right now I'm not

thinking about anything else up here I'm

just letting everything flow as I'm

speaking for the camera if I'm up here

in my head I'm not gonna be present with

you guys you guys will sense and feel it

so I'm just trusting I just communicate

whatever first thing that pops up I

communicate I say it and learning how to

get out of your head is such an

important skill learning how to just be

present when someone else is speaking

you listen to them you acknowledge them

you give them your your mind your

attention you're not focused on anything

else or doing anything else if you can

do that then the other person will feel

a deeper level of connection with you

unlike most because very few people are

willing to give that level of presence

so when you communicate with people give

them that gift give them that gift of

your presence of your attention if you

catch yourself in your head bring

yourself out of it really listen to what

that person is saying but also what

they're feeling what they're

experiencing you know often you know I

try to encourage people to talk more

when I communicate with people

oftentimes when I'm in for the camera or

speaking on public yeah I'm the one

that's most talkative person but often

in my everyday life I'm more the person

that is just listening to other people I

think listening is where the most

important skills you don't always have

to be the one that's talking learning

how to listen to others but also showing

an interest having a curiosity you know

asking them questions because oftentimes

when you ask other person questions or

give them that presence they're gonna

really appreciate that you know they're

gonna really thank you for it it's gonna

make them feel good you know the best

thing that everybody likes to talk about

is themselves and so when you encourage

someone else to talk about themselves

and you ask them questions it shows that

you're paying attention it shows that

you're listening to what they're saying

and so I think that's one of the most

important things that you can do rather

than just being the person that just

tries to dominate every conversation and

be the one that you know makes you look

or sound good or popular in front of

everybody else but nobody enjoys

interacting with you because you're not

giving them the room to speak I think by

everybody if we could just listen more

be more present with one another

ask questions be curious be interested

then I think that's you know a winning

formula for successful communicate

successful communicators in this world

so listen guys hopefully you guys

enjoyed these three different ways to

improve your communication skills it

does take practice it does take pushing

your comfort zone

it does take putting yourself in those

scenarios to consistently meet people

and interact with them and again I'm

gonna have to go through that that

period that FEA is where it is gonna be

challenging it is gonna be hard but if

you can push past that then that's

what's gonna really allow you to have

that confidence that when you do

communicate it's gonna be that much more

effective so listen guys thank you so

much for watching if you enjoyed this

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more value to your life thank you guys

always believe commit to mastery talk to

you soon

you

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