hey everyone this is stephan james from
projectlifemastery.com and today i'm
going to share with you 5 steps to
attracting a mentor in your life now I
really believe in the power of
mentorship in fact one of the reasons
why I've been able to accomplish so much
in my life at a relatively young age is
because of the mentors the coaches that
I have access to that I can leverage
their expertise their knowledge their
experience and I can shortcut my
learning curve and I can accelerate my
results in any aspect of my life faster
than I ever could
versus me trying to figure things out by
myself in fact I never want to learn
from my own experience I don't want to
have to go through the failures and the
mistakes myself that's way too painful
I'd much rather leverage other people's
experiences their failures their
mistakes their successes their
strategies and have them give those to
me so that I can compress time that's
how you compress decades into days
that's always gonna be a lot smarter a
lot more effective a lot more
intelligent way of achieving anything in
your life and it's something that I'm
always looking for for every aspect of
my life my health my fitness my mindset
my emotions my business my finances
investing my spiritual life every area
of my life because again that is always
going to be the most effective way now a
lot of people out there they're
stubbornly trying to figure things out
by themself I hate to say it it's always
the stupidest way of gonna go on about
anything because listen anyone who is
successful at anything they did not get
there by themself okay they did not get
there by himself nobody is a solo act
okay everyone who is successful that I
know about they've had mentors coaches
they don't let their ego get in the way
and thinking they know it all okay and
if your ego is showing up for you if
you're not willing to ask for help or to
be coachable or to have mentors in your
life and you're stubborn about it man
that's one reason why you might be
staying stuck in your life and not
getting to where you want to go so I
always want to work smarter more
efficiently and not just harder
okay if I can save myself time I will
absolutely do that every single time
that's always gonna be the smarter
decision because time is a depreciating
asset we got to utilize it and take
advantage of it as much as we can okay
now most people they already know about
this if you're watching this right now
you know about the importance of having
a mentor having coaches in your life but
most people they're going about it the
wrong way if you're reaching out to
people right now online and you're
asking them hey will you be my mentor
will you be my coach
that's the worst way of going about it
and I want to share with you guys a more
effective way a strategy that's worked
for me since I was you know 19 20 years
old and first started having mentors and
coaches in my life and will continue to
work and stand the test of time so let's
dive into the five steps to attracting a
mentor in your life step number one is
to make a list of at least three people
that you want to be mentored by these
could be role models coaches mentors
that are out there I recommend at least
one of them being a long shot someone
that is a long term goal okay that is
gonna be a lot harder for you to
actually have as your mentor or coach
that could be a Bill Gates
a Warren Buffett and Elon Musk maybe
it's Arnold Schwarzenegger or maybe it's
Tony Robbins or someone like that okay
the other two people that I want you to
write down on your list are mentors that
are more easily accessible okay it's
more realistic it's more attainable for
you to have them as your mentor maybe
it's an author write someone that's
sharing their expertise in a book maybe
it's someone who's online on YouTube or
Instagram or they have their own courses
or trainings or they're actually making
themselves already available to provide
mentorship and coaching whether it's
through events or one-on-one or
masterminds okay those people because
they're putting themselves out there in
that way it's gonna be a lot easier for
you to get access to them but it could
also be people that you might already
know right now in your life maybe
there's some successful people that
right now you've met you're an
acquaintance too you know someone that
you love to get mentorship from or
coaching from
make a list of those people as well okay
that's step number one
step number two and this is the most
important step is to focus on not trying
to take from them and reach out to them
and say hey will you be my mentor okay
it's the worst thing you can do that's
taking from them instead what I want you
to do is I want you to focus on adding
value to them I want you to be a value
adder okay giving value offering value
not taking value okay to do this
effectively I want you to actually learn
a bit about these people that you want
to be mentored by okay I want you to
actually get to know them a little bit
ask yourself what are their goals what
is their mission what are they trying to
accomplish in their life that I can
support or add value to what's important
to them in their life okay what are
their values maybe it's charity maybe
it's philanthropy maybe it's you know
sharing their message with the world
maybe it's you know selling more books
or selling more courses or programs or
or making more of an impact right maybe
it's freeing up their time and that's
why oftentimes these people these
mentors they're so busy that when you
just reach out to them and say hey will
you be my mentor and coach it's not like
they have the time to be able to provide
that for you right and fat that's one
thing that I get all the time and a lot
of people when they're going about
things that way they're not putting
themselves in the shoes of this
successful person that they want to be
mentored by because if they did and they
had this awareness if someone is
publicly out there online and they have
thousands and thousands of followers
subscribers you know they're a public
figure you got to realize that they're
getting thousands and thousands and
thousands of requests from people
reaching out to them on Instagram
reaching out to them by email reaching
out to them and whatever way possible
and they're reaching out to them to ask
for mentorship and coaching and it's not
realistic for them to be able to respond
to you and to provide that mentorship
and coaching fat oftentimes when you're
reaching out in that way and you're
trying to take value from them they're
getting repelled by it they're getting
repelled because they don't want to be
around someone this is trying to take
from them then much rather be around
people they're trying to add value to
them because they're always being
surrounded with
trying to get something from them always
trying to take and not really offering
anything for them that it's going to
make it worthwhile for them to actually
want to spend a time with you or to be
able to help you out or coach you or
mentor you okay so you've got to shift
your mindset around this this is very
important you know example that I often
use with this you know if you're walking
down the street and someone comes up to
approach you you know at first we're
kind of okay why is this person talking
to me you know maybe they're asking you
some questions and the back of your mind
it's gonna be thinking okay what does
this person want and they might be
smooth or slick about it but eventually
they kind of go you know weasel their
way in and ask you hey you know what I
you know III you know I'm trying to get
home and do you have twenty dollars that
I could borrow or you know I'm homeless
I don't have anything to eat can you
loan me some money and some you know
homeless people for example might be
direct about it some have different
strategies going about it but oftentimes
what's the energy what's the reaction
that you have within yourself when
someone approaches you in that way and
they're just trying to take from you
often times you're repelled by it often
times you're turned off and again that's
one of the worst ways of going about it
same thing if you're single you're
trying to approach a man or a woman and
if you go up to them and you're just
trying to take you have that hidden
agenda you're just trying to you know
have sex from them or something like
that they're gonna be repelled but if
instead you approach that person and
you're not attached to any outcome
you're not you know expecting anything
in return but you're just walking up to
them or approaching them just to give
them a compliment or to add value to
them in some way to make them smile to
leave them better off or having met you
often times when you focus on adding
value without trying to get anything
more in return that's when you become a
lot more attractive okay that's when
people actually are more likely to want
to be around you and want to receive
coaching from you so you've got to put
yourself in their shoes okay and you've
got to find a way to stand out to be
different than everyone else out there
and so going back to this concept adding
value how can you add value to these
mentors these people that are on your
list okay that's where it comes in
you've got to get to know them what's
important to them what are their goals
what is their focus and you should make
it your draw job to try
support them with that and to add value
to them in a way we are not trying to
get anything back there's no hook on the
other end of it you're not you know
trying to do something for them and say
hey you know I'll do this for you if you
do this for me
okay again that's one of the worst ways
to go about it again so what I try to do
guys is I'm always trying to just over
deliver add value and by doing that
you're getting on their radar so let me
give you some examples let's say it's
someone that's out there online on
YouTube or Instagram or whatever it
might be you know you want to get on
that person's radar and one of the ways
you can do that let's say for this
person it's important they want to reach
more people they want to you know make
an impact in the world well you can add
value to them just by supporting them
with that that might be you know sharing
their content promoting their courses
for them or you know trying to get the
word out there and sure enough by doing
that consistently they're gonna notice
that and they're gonna see it and so
eventually if you do reach out to them
okay they're gonna already know who you
are you know I know countless examples
you know like this in my business and
people that I've been able to you know
help out or mentor oftentimes as people
that focused on trying to add value to
me first and I noticed that and I really
appreciated the effort that they're
putting in and so oftentimes I'll reach
out to them right and I'll thank them
for that and see how I can help them in
return because whenever you are adding
value oftentimes there's a level of
reciprocity you know if I just keep
giving given given to you and you're
always receiving there's a part of you
that thinks well you know I want to give
something back I want to thank this
person I want to show my appreciation
for them so reciprocity is powerful it's
it's kind of like a law as a
psychological trigger that often happens
when you're constantly adding value to
so many people okay let me give you guys
some examples of this I remember years
and years ago I read a book called fu
money by Dan Locke and I saw Dan Locke
speak and Dan locked it was a successful
online entrepreneur and I was building a
project like master and I think those
2013/2014 I put out a YouTube video
sharing three books that I recommend it
for people that want to build an online
business and one of them was the book fu
money by Dan Locke and so what I did was
I shared and promoted this book
and what happened was all of these
people I guess had gone and bought dan
Locke's book and they saw a huge
increase of sales and purchases and
downloads of his book that funny enough
he actually reached out to me I didn't
have to approach him I didn't have to
reach out to him in any way he reached
out to me because he noticed this he
noticed all the value that I was
providing and sharing with them you know
in helping him get his word out there
and I wasn't doing it to make money or
anything like that or even really to get
access to him but because of that he had
reached out to me and he said Stefan
let's get together for lunch and he
invited me to come speak at his event
and that built a relationship that now
today Dan Locke and I are friends and
we've done other business opportunities
and things like that together and that
all came of me just trying to add value
to him okay other cases of adding value
might be actually paying the mentors and
coaches because paying them for their
time that's always gonna be something
that is gonna be valuable to them
because anyone who is successful they
value their time at a certain amount of
money and if you're willing to pay that
price and pay them for coaching and
mentorship that's oftentimes the the
easiest way to add value to them and
have an exchange for paying them for
their services their time so that they
can mentor and coach you in fact that's
pretty much the main way that I go about
it with almost any mentor coach that I
have you know oftentimes I reach out and
I want to pay them I don't even
necessarily want it for free because
often the quality the focus the
dedication they're gonna give me if it's
just free it's not going to be the same
versus when I actually have a
relationship with them where I'm a
customer and I'm paying them for it okay
that's often how it always has started
out for me another example of my life
when I was 21 years old I was first
building my first my first business it
was like a seminar on coaching business
in Vancouver and I decided to put on
this event I called it the ultimate
transformation super conference and I
wanted I booked the YMCA and I booked
room for a hundred people and I knew I
could promote it and sell it out and
hustle to get a hundred people to show
up I just needed to have the speakers
there and so I actually reached out to
ten different speakers
and I was resourceful with it I didn't
know who any of them were some of them I
kind of knew who they were but I didn't
have direct contact with them but I
found ways to get a hold of them and
reach them and people that they knew
some of the people that I had that came
and spoke was Darren Jaclyn who some of
you have known know that I've
interviewed before on my my youtube
channel my podcast who's a good friend
of mine today
another one is Wade lightheart he was a
three-time national bodybuilding
champion went to mr. universe did it as
a vegetarian I had him come out and
speak okay and what I was essentially
doing with this as a strategy is I was
adding value to these speakers these
were professional speakers that wanted
to reach more people they wanted to have
an impact and one of the hardest parts
of being a speaker is to fill it up to
get people in the seats and to have an
audience to present to and I told them
listen I'll take care of that for you
you know all you got to do is come out
and speak I'll put on the event I'll
organize things you can have an audience
that you can speak to share your message
to and as adding value to them they
could offer their products and services
that they wanted to as well but I was
just doing it as a way to see how I can
add value and support them and sure
enough many of those people that I had
come and speak at my event I became
friends with you know we'd for example
on ended up hiring at first as my
fitness coach for a period of time and
now today we're great friends right and
now all came that was 11 years ago that
came because I was adding value to them
okay and that was me at 21 years old so
there's no excuse I didn't have the
resources I didn't have much money back
then or anything like that I was just
committed and I was resourceful and I
was creative okay
so focus on adding value find a way to
add value first okay get on their radar
and be so good that they can't ignore
you I remember another time in my life
I'll show you two more stories before I
move on to the next one
okay I'll share just this one then about
three years ago I was moving into a new
penthouse in downtown Vancouver in
Yaletown
and someone on my youtube channel
respond and say hey Stephan I'm an
artist and I want to add value to you
and I'd love to paint something for you
for your new
new apartments and this person actually
shared with me his Instagram and he did
all this beautiful artwork and he said I
want it I want to contribute to you've
added so much to my life I want to add
value to you and he wasn't doing it to
try to get access to me or coaching or
mentorship or anything like that and he
actually painted a lot of a lot of like
Marvel DC type stuff like superhero type
arts and I'm really into Batman and so I
said hey can you paint something like a
Batman type of thing and sure enough he
did and I was so impressed by this he
added so much value to my life I said
hey you know come on over to my house
and you know had him come over to my
apartment I invited him out to a party
which him and his girlfriend had come
out to at my new penthouse and that was
just a good example again of someone who
stood out someone that was just trying
to add value because again when you add
value in that way you're gonna want to
reciprocate or help that person out in
some way I another quick story someone
donated because I always have campaigns
where I'm trying to fundraise money to
build houses and schools this one person
I think donated two thousand dollars and
I was blown away by this I was touched
by this and I got me emotional is like
wow that's amazing that this person I
don't even know cares so much and they
did it you know not trying to you know
get a hold of me or anything like that
they kind of did it and not anonymously
but I found out who that person was and
I reached out to them I said wow thank
you so much I really appreciate is there
anything I could do for you right
because that person just stood out in a
way and added value to something that I
was focused on that was important to me
okay so think about how you can add
value okay don't try to take add value
to these people as much as you can the
third step is to become valuable okay I
want you to become the kind of person
that these people would want to spend
time with would want to hang out with
that the way that they look at you is
not you know they're up here and then
you know on the pedestal and then you're
down here and they're trying to get
something from them I want you to build
yourself up so that you're on a similar
level as them that they look at you in a
similar way that you have value to them
that they want to be around yours
and time with you okay that requires you
to work on yourself to grow to evolve to
expands to become that kind of person
one of the reasons why I've been able to
build up project life mastery is the
more that I build it up I've built up
this this great platform that I love and
I'm passionate about and I gotta share
these ideas and share things that have
benefitted me with you guys and what
that has allowed me to do is to become
more valuable so that if I do reach out
to other successful people out there
these mentors or coaches I'm in a
position where they perceive me on a
similar level they perceive me on a
level where I can provide value to them
not just trying to take from them but I
can provide massive value to them in
fact because of what I've built I've
been able to get access to incredible
people in fact you know one person was
Evan pagan many of you guys know I
interviewed Evan pagan a few months ago
and Evan pagan if you guys don't know I
first discovered his work when he was
known as David DeAngelo which is a pen
name he was involved in the dating niche
for men and I was 17 years old I was shy
I was trying to change the area of my
life and I got his book called double
your dating and his double your dating
book changed my life I think I read it
seven times and you know I ended up
going from there and I bought all of his
courses and programs he had a video
training series called the advanced
series and the mastery series and then
deep in our game and then on being a man
and man transformation love the final
chapter and get out into all these
programs of his that I invested Botts
helped me immensely in my life highly
recommend them and so he was a huge role
model for me in my life he made a huge
impact in my life and that was when I
was 17 years old well as I've continued
to improve myself over the years and
years he was someone that was on my
radar someone I wanted to get access to
and so sure enough what happened was he
was launching a new book and I actually
know his business manager and he reached
out to me and said hey Stefan I think
you know this would be great Evans
launching a new book I think it'd be
great for your audience if you interview
him and so that relationship came by the
way with his business manager by going
to masterminds and events and meeting
other like-minded people
but that led me to an opportunity where
I had value to offer him he's launching
a new book he's trying to get it out
there any new author anyone that's got a
new book one of the easiest ways to
support them is they want to get to the
bestseller list and they're looking for
anything that can help them promote
their book so I said hey listen I can I
can help you promote your book I'd love
to share your work with my audience you
made a big impact in my life I think
they can benefit from it as well and I
was adding value to him which opened up
the door for me to get access to him and
have him as someone as a part of my life
he you know invited me out to to one of
his training programs one of his live
events whenever I want to go so things
like that have opened up because I've
become that type of person you know when
I went to I think a few years ago is the
national achievers conference in Seattle
Washington and I'm there with Tatiana
I'm in the very front row right and Tony
Robbins is up there speaking and he's
right there in front of me and I noticed
him making eye contact with me quite a
bit
more than anyone else there and then you
know at the end of the event Tony
Robbins comes up to me and he says hey
send me a message on Twitter on Twitter
I want to talk to you you know and then
afterwards he says hey let's take a
picture I can tell that he recognized me
from online because I've done a lot of
you know sends so many people to Tony
Robbins seminars by sharing promoting
his stuff that is amazing how by adding
value to him in that way it was able to
notice that and see that who is this guy
and hey I recognize this guy the very
front row of my seminar I've seen him
before promoting and sharing my content
so you know I haven't been mentored by
Tony by any means but I met him on a few
occasions and I know that it's gonna
lead to that opportunity where if he has
a book or a project that I can support
him with the more that I grow and become
more valuable on that level he is gonna
look at me in a way I say this is
someone that can support what I'm doing
I can add value to him and that can open
up the door for a potential relationship
so do you see how this works of how you
got to work on yourself that's a
long-term strategy but the more valuable
you become the more they're gonna change
their perception because you don't want
it to be on that
relationship again where they're up here
and you're down here trying to get
something from them you want to be on
that similar level because that's when
you become their friends that's where
you get access to them where you don't
have to pay them for their time or
coaching but they're doing it because
you both have something that you can
offer to one another step number four is
you have to put yourself in proximity to
these mentors and coaches and people
that you want access to that means that
you got to show up for their events you
got to attend their seminars you got to
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