hey everyone this is stefan from
projectlifemastery.com and today I'm
super excited to introduce you guys to a
good friend of mine
Eli while Eli is the top salesperson for
Tony Robbins someone I've known now for
a number of years he's also a master of
influence and that's what we're going to
talk about today is how you can use
influence and develop the skill of it to
be able to change yourself to influence
yourself to change your life to master
your state your emotions but also as a
way to make more money or to be able to
influence the people in your life or be
able to share your message make a
greater impact and we're gonna talk
about a lot today so
Ilana thank you for taking the time for
this thank you for having me yeah I'm
really excited for this you might share
with people a little bit about yourself
your story how you got into
self-development and the journey that
you've been on to get to the point where
you got today you know uh just thinking
of it you know as you're mentioning this
I feel like my journey began you know as
kind of a tough household and I was
really quiet didn't start speaking to
like four or five I was like so shut
down and then even in through high
school I was voted the quietest person
in school I make up for that now though
I don't shut up and I speak for a living
you know
but yeah it's like I developed these
powers of observation and I think some
of the the trauma that I experienced as
a boy
you know some of the negative
experiences maybe kind of fear-based
where I was in my head a lot but my
powers of observation where I felt like
like heightened like I I feel like we
all have people that especially go
through challenging times even actors
that I've that I've coached here in Los
Angeles some of them were were gay or
they had weird stuff happening and so
they had almost this outside persona and
they were like really able to create
these powers of imagination these
internal references of psychology that
help them deal with the outside world
and so one of these elements that I
started to master back then was what
tony would call a heightened sensory
acuity acute sensitivity so sometimes
it's fear-based where somebody if we
sing can think somebody's dangerous and
we hear their voice or they're big and
we start to be almost hypersensitive to
these these aspects of somebody's
tonality somebody might say they're fine
but you can tell they're not and so a
heightened sensitivity and I live
someone
my life in my head where I was
processing so much information and I
found that even in my my own judgement
of myself I was very self-conscious
which means that were conscious of
ourselves and that's a pattern and I
found that I was ineffective it feeling
the way that I wanted to be or coming
across I didn't have a bigger vision for
my life at that time
and then once I did learn some of these
self-development tools I became less
conscious but conscious of conscious of
myself I should say but I became more
conscious of what's here and I took
those powers of observation into my
communication and one of the phrases I
go back to over and over again that's
not just a Toni phrase but kind of an
NLP or self development based phrase is
the quality of our life comes down to
the quality of our communication how we
communicate with others but also with
ourselves and so you know as a young boy
I had these heightened sense of you know
internal stimuli that caused me a lot of
stress and I didn't know how to channel
it and then through self-development I
found that I could use that super power
to not only help others but help myself
you know in communication help myself
communicating with girls or people or
get jobs or get myself to the front of a
list or you don't want a billboard in
Times Square where I didn't have any
experience but I was able to use
language patterns and my own internal
state to influence an environment a
company an individual to to make to
become more resourceful first me being
more resourceful and then creating
resources outside of myself directed at
an outcome so these these processes that
I started to layer as a young boy helped
me get out of trouble and I saw this as
we say that necessity is the mother of
invention and I found that there were
things that you know situations as I was
in getting in trouble like how do I get
myself out using the power of my own two
lips when I didn't have any other
resources like there's something's got
to happen here and the most successful
people in the world you know they're
able to affect somebody else's state
first their own then others and you
think about even a Michael Jordan or an
actor or even a Tony Robbins on stage
he's affecting somebody's state when you
know even a product like coca-cola they
anchor certain they put it in movies
with product placement and then they
show the Apple computer or the the coke
and so they're anchoring people to that
product and so the most successful
products or services are people
entertainers even
they affect people's state and so I
needed to be able to affect my own state
and others to become more effective and
of course Tony was a huge mentor in that
and so that's you know kinda halide
started to understand this and I was
really just curious and that's that's
something that even helps me to this day
we all become curious sometimes but you
know having that active curiosity with
people because sometimes you recognize
patterns in people and you can be like
oh that person's that way and discount
them but if you maintain curiosity like
even in that grade book how to win
friends and influence people you know
it's not just about being interesting is
about being interested and so being
authentically curious and as a boy even
even now I'm authentically curious like
why do people do what they do you know
living here in Los Angeles people have
all the money and all the love and all
the fame and then do crazy things and
some people you know like run into
during 9/11 they run into a burning
building to grab people like why do
people do what they do what are these
internal drives and when you see
somebody's results in life in their bank
account and their body in their
relationship you think like these are
the results they've produced with the
resources that they vent access to and
getting really curious like what creates
the behavior what creates the results
getting curious and helping them become
more resources resourceful not just
accessing the resources of maybe money
or time but the internal resources of
emotion because the history of the world
is the history of emotion people start
wars people get married to get divorced
something's driving driving that bus and
to understand the driving forces and
human beings really is what is the
pathway to everything and so if you can
as they say in sales trainers they say
that if you can clearly articulate
somebody's problems to them and we've
all got challenges and problems if
you've got a ten million dollar business
you wanna get to 100 million so there's
always this opportunity for change and
if you can understand somebody's
challenge your problem and articulate
that back to them better than they can
explain it to themselves and you say
well what you're really saying is this
and you articulate take it articulate it
to them all that jumbled mess back to
them better than they can explain it to
themselves when you can do that people
unconsciously give you permission and
the power to solve their problem and so
when you clearly communicate what's
going on for them
man this guy gets me and they will give
you that they become your clients or
they say hey can you help me with this
and you're like yeah and here's what it
would be and so you get in the habit of
reading people's patterns and that's I
think Tony's best skill and he's and he
said that and he said it's the skill of
all masters is pattern recognition if
you're an accountant you look at all
these financial forms and then you see
that one the numbers are just off and
once you've had 20 years as an
accountant eventually you can just look
at it and be like so I can just feel
something's off there because the
unconscious mind and the patterns of
recognition ER are so attuned so that
sensory acuity is so fine so so refined
after years of development that you can
hear it in somebody's tone or see
something's off and and in the sales
context you can see what's often
yourself get yourself back at a line in
congruent and then influence a company
or you know get them get the people that
are the janitors or the salespeople
aligned with the mission of the company
and so something's off and you can
recognize that pattern and then use
tools to shift things back in alignment
so it's always working through those
processes it's fascinating because you
know a lot of us we have patterns but
those people aren't aware of that
they're not aware of the limiting
patterns that might have is holding them
back every single day their beliefs
their thoughts their emotions their
behaviors no so what you're saying is
having that sensory cue to the awareness
of that so that you can get yourself
back on track or make changes but also
observing the patterns of people that
are successful or even their failures so
that you can learn from that or be able
to influence people to be able to help
make an impact or change their life or
whatever it might be
yeah that is if there's everything as
you know from NLP studying that
everything is a strategy yeah and so if
somebody says they're depressed or
they're sad or whatever it's like it's
curious time how do how do you do that
and I like what do you mean like if I
wanted to get the press what would I
have to say to myself or what would I do
and sometimes when we we see things as a
strategy it takes us out of the the
realm it's something I'm doing not
something I am and the example I always
give in my seminars it's like say if I
had a kid or if you have a kid I would
never say to a kid like Johnny you're
bad I would create this identity because
as you know the the identity is the
strongest force in a human psyche in
Tremain
consistent without identity so I
wouldn't say I wouldn't label a child
like Johnny you're bad I would say
Johnny you're amazing but this behavior
is not like you you're amazing but this
behavior this isn't who you are so we
start to separate behavior from identity
and then we can make changes to a
behavior and support an empowered strong
identity and so human beings adults
salespeople business people were all
just big kids and we all fall into
patterns of behavior sometimes that make
us less resourceful or effective in
sales and communication we could be
stressed could have just eaten that
crappy meal you know which changes our
physiology we could be focusing on the
past not really fully present we might
have created a disempowering meaning
these are all strategies and you know
it's like being a sales trainer I often
deal with you know I go into a company
or ideal the coach or somebody that's
selling something online that's selling
their mastermind or their course and
they've got a script but communication
is only 7% words and it's often the
state that the person is in their own
psychology their patterns of recognition
knowing what's really going on
on the other person and being able to
control or manipulate that person's
feelings you know their thoughts and
their actions and their feelings you
know really understanding the targets
you want to hit or what are going to
lead to the optimal actions you want
them to take as opposed to focusing on
the action you're creating a state of
curiosity and strategically asking
questions that are creating thoughts and
feelings in the person that lead to the
optimal actions you want them to take so
it's always thinking strategically and
when we do that it also going back to
what I said I was so self-conscious
conscious of myself but I needed to be
conscious of what's there and in a in a
sales you know doing a video if I'm
focused on how I look and sound and all
that I my whole world shrinks and so I'm
thinking in terms of the impact and what
I want even these people watching to
think and feel and the knowledge I want
them to get and so something I've got to
do before every sales presentation or
whatever I've got to make sure that my
intent
not just my attention but my intention
is pure to make sure that it's not just
I'm not just there to get a sale because
people will feel that you know as we say
motive does matter and we teach a lot of
things in self development about self
confidence and being self empowered and
respecting ourselves and supporting
you know it's all about the self
empowerment and it's great because 99%
of people don't even get to that full
level of self-awareness self empowerment
self confidence but if we're in a sales
context or a relationship of any kind
and we're only there for our self to be
self confident self empowered and our
self income it you know motive does
matter and people feel that and so even
if we are showing up for our self but if
say there's somebody that shows up to
work for them self versus that somebody
that's showing up for their family it
makes more of you show up because you
have a bigger vision outside of yourself
but when you show up for your community
or humanity and you see these people
like you're wanting to put things out
there that affects the world in a
positive way and so your intent it makes
you bigger your vision is bigger so it
increases your presence in a especially
in front of a room speaking and so it's
like you have this vision that's so much
bigger than what's happening here and I
tell people it's like you know we have
to have a vision bigger than ourselves
and we really have that it makes this
little price that you're charging or
whatever it is it forces you to be
bigger and people and when your vision
is bigger not out of ego but from the
people the little vision they have for
their business and you've got this big
thing it creates a vacuum before Tony
goes onstage he has a process of
basically like filling himself up with
energy and then filling up the space
right around him and I've seen him do
this and then like literally taking that
energy and then like trying to fill up
the room with his energy and his voice
in his presence and then taking that
that energy and like feeling it push
over the walls in the seminar like
filling the entire room with his energy
like just breathing like it's almost
like breathing in and out that energy
feeling that energy push over the
seminar walls feeling it evaporate like
completely consume the city then feeling
it consume a state then the the country
then the globe and then literally
feeling like his energy like he is
connected to everything all of humanity
as he's about to speak and he comes out
on stage larger than life and so this
process of filling yourself up you know
connecting with that energy really
putting yourself in a internal state
that is bigger than the moment and then
you know it's like there's that that
common phrase and self development about
being a bigger person like if you have a
level five problem and you're a level 5
person it's a big problem and so
problems
are gonna go away our only option to be
a bigger person and now when you're like
a level 10,000 person and you got a
level 5 problem it's like is no big deal
you're so much bigger and you do that
inside of your mind in your psychology
with your emotion and it's beyond just
language patterns it's something you got
it's a state that you bring to the
moment it's you know it's mindset it's
your physiology it's your breathing
patterns you know there's a certain
breathing pattern to stress it's a
strategy there's a breathing pattern to
relaxed you know a state of excitement
you know people to have you know an
engagement yeah so so you know a lot of
people they think about influence or
sales may have a negative connotation no
because maybe you've had an experience
for someone trying to sell you something
in car salesmen or online and I think
you know it gives that negative rep
because a lot of people have the
negative intention oh they're more just
about themselves they're trying to take
rather than trying to serve you and and
make a difference or make an impact
what's your mindset around that you know
what's you know how do you see influence
you know to influence someone's emotions
or be able to get them to take action or
they'll change their life or to buy your
product or service what's your what's
your mindset you mentioned having that
larger vision that higher consciousness
but well I really think selling is
serving and it's great for us to learn
you know and metaphor you know it's like
we talked about that the symbol of the
swastika versus Nazi or you know the
symbol of the Cross versus Christianity
we think in symbols and so I have two
internal
metaphors that I live into in my
communication one is the bridge and so
everything that will come into your life
like you know whether it's your
relationship or your friendships
everything that you have in your life
will come from a communication with
another human being you know it's like
we're it's gonna get you I mean you can
set it home and tech and all that stuff
and create stuff but you're never gonna
write copy even then that's gonna
communicate with the human being where
they buy something everything everything
is communication and so communication
with yourself and others and so I know
like I I see myself as like I think of
the analogy oftentimes as like the the
Golden Gate Bridge and being a strong
bridge versus a weak Ridge so a weak
bridge like let's imagine there's a
bridge there's a piece of land here and
a piece of land here and then a bridge
going over and connect
and so this is a weak bridge because of
this so it's needy in the sense that
it's dependent on if this there's an
earthquake here and this piece of land
falls away the bridge falls or if
something happens here and so our
service is literally like this
conversation is the vehicle that can
take somebody from here to here so I'm
clear about where they are and I know
that this conversation can take them
over here but you know just like with
this bridge like the Golden Gate you
have to pay a toll you have to pay a
toll it across that bridge because we
got to support the bridge and they paint
that thing every year non-stop they're
painting that that pretty orange color
and so they got to pay a toll - you know
cuz they wouldn't be able to do it
without that bridge they'd have to go
all the way around like a two and a half
hour drive so for them to pay a couple
bucks to cross this bridge where I can
save somebody ten years of their time by
paying this toll to cross there I can
take them where they want but they got
to pay the toll or they could bigger
swim in the shark-infested waters or
something like that you know and they
could die it's just paying the toll for
the bridge I can take you there
but the different you know weak bridge
in a strong bridge like a weak bridge is
connected so it's connected but it's
also dependent and so when I communicate
with somebody I'm connected and I
remember one of my mentors did this mean
one time it's like you know I was a very
intense person I'm very like passionate
and so I was like this is my
communication like you know like this
and if I didn't get what I want I was
like you know connecting like this or I
became like I disconnected like I don't
I don't care you know but it's different
to being like this or this we are
disconnected like some people you know
it's like they're like I don't give a
you know kind of thing like there's
like whatever you know and some people
do that and they tune out and some
people are like over like you're all
passion hungry it's important to be
hungry in your preparation hungry and
how you train but when you actually
communicate with somebody into sales
context you want to be unattached you
want to be independent just like the
Golden Gate Bridge
so the Golden Gate Bridge it's connected
like this it's not like grabbing on it's
connected and it's connected to both
ends connected to what somebody wants
and connected to the human being but if
San Francisco has another earthquake and
falls into the ocean the Golden Gate
Bridge is these two pillars you know
many pillars rooted into the earth so it
stands strong independent of the land
the Marin County could fall away and San
Francisco to follow
it would still be firmly rooted in the
earth all the way deep into the earth
underneath the ocean so it stands strong
on its own and so in this context I'm
the bridge that can take somebody there
but if you pulled away from me and you
don't want like you're just not going to
get to where you want to go as fast and
yes you can take the long way and so I
think of that in those terms another
analogy I think of in that same setting
I see that you know have you been a San
Francisco yeah and so yeah we were in we
were in San Jose I don't know if you
went up there but there's a you know
there's the harbor and I think of being
a lighthouse
as opposed to being a tugboat and so a
tugboat and a lighthouse have basically
the same job to help big ships into port
where they could be safe but two
different very very mechanisms of action
the tugboat goes out there and it's got
like it's a little business card and you
know there's the person networking and
marketing and this need a little energy
to to hook onto the big boat the big
prospect you know they got this I'm
trying to hook on and pull the person in
or pull in the big boat and you know you
can it's you know nothing wrong with
being a tugboat but it's kind of
exhausting going in and out and latching
on and have this intention and you know
going after these prospects and in a day
you can only help so many people because
you're you know it's exhausting going
back and out and you you contrast that
with the the lighthouse the lighthouse
doesn't just help one or two boats it
helps all the boats and it illuminates a
path to safety but it only has two jobs
one distained firmly rooted to stay in
the same spot and illuminate that path
and to shine bright from within and as
we shine bright from it within it
becomes very attractive and people can
see us and so we're very attractive and
so if you go to a networking events or
something like that or even on these
calls you've done your morning routine
you've you've worked on yourself in your
own psychology so you're in a certain
state where you're unattached you have
no need for approval or safety or
security so people do things like to
meet their needs and so we often people
live their life one or two ways out in
or in out here's what that means like
somebody wants approval
and so they buy a car or they do
something and there's a neediness to
their energy there is seeking approval
and so when you think of somebody that's
very successful like that you really
respect her admire we've heard this cup
that this this this analogy of your cup
is full like my cup is overflowing with
opponents but it's not just an
affirmation but like I really I have so
much love in my life like all my needs
are met I'm whole perfect and complete
like I am overflowing with abundance I'm
not like money coming to me things like
that but I'm overflowing with joy and
energy and so now if somebody people
always say this phrase like I don't care
what people think of me but you can tell
that's usually not true because of this
like somebody might say something bad to
them and they're like I don't care but
the somebody said something nice to them
like oh my god that's really nice and
you're like oh my god thank you so it's
filling them up so they're seeing that
because but if you're already
overflowing and somebody tries to put
more into your overflowing cup you're
like it doesn't matter if you say I hate
you or I love you it's like I'm already
so full so I approve of myself I'm
overflowing and so when you think of
somebody very successful they are there
all their needs are met they're full
their hold are perfect they're complete
and so when they go into a communication
it's inside out so they approve of
themself inside and that affects their
their communication out here they're not
looking for approval there or validation
like so if the person says no or I got
to think about it I don't think like
they don't like me there's nothing there
because I'm so overflowing and that
allows me to show up in this
conversation a lot differently and you
know and I'd seen this to you in our
lunch when I was doing these talks for
Tony and I do my own sales right now I
left Tony's company in March but we're
still good friends but I you know would
get placed in a city like Miami New York
you know Los Angeles and there'd be like
10 of us in an area and we'd go out and
sell his seminars to these companies
talking to the same type of prospects
same product at the same price point and
we had a script we had a process we were
saying the same exact word selling the
same product at the same price point to
go see the same person same everything
but my sales were like two three four or
five times higher than everybody else
seeing the same words because I was
filling myself up and I really think
that's the difference between me as a
sales trainer and other people where
some people focus on the process or the
vehicle
where I know that it's usually what
separates somebody who's outstanding
performer and anything is their
psychology and Estonia says that over
again if 80% psychology 20% of mechanics
I'm like we should probably work on your
psychology a bit and some people teach
sales in a way where they're very
controlling and they control the sale
and they do become more successful but
it's still fear-based
we're the most successful people have
behavioral flexibility sensory acuity
they're getting feedback they know how
to assimilate that feedback they're
flexible in their approach so I got like
a Tony you know Kent he's so good with
people you know he's got you like putty
in his hands because he understands
what's going on but as he's done the pre
work ahead of time I think that's so
important with everything when he just
what you just said around that because
you know when it come I see a dating
coach yeah you know oftentimes someone
single they want to meet someone they're
coming from that place of neediness
scarcity you know the glasses you know
empty and they're trying they're putting
out an energy where you know dating and
meeting people that's all influence all
communication but they're putting out
the energy that's that's like you know
they're really trying to take from the
person because they want the other
person to fill them up with sadness
versus if there are any in that abundant
state where they're happy they're
fulfilled they're on their purpose in
life then and they're overflowing they
have nothing you know it's just pure
adding value and it's not dependent on
whether or not they give anything back
to you in return I think the same
applies to what you're saying with sales
so if you have a sales you know job and
you're trying to get prospects or
customers mm-hmm but you know even I
feel it's the same thing in what I do to
in terms of putting out videos and
content and sharing and you know I feel
like I'm doing it from a place not to
try to get but I'm always trying to
serve make a difference yeah but you
know I think that comes down to
everything in your life so do you feel
you know that mindset that psychology is
that something that you develop you know
every day like three rituals or through
meeting your own needs or what would you
say is something that someone can do to
help be in that were abundant place
clear outcomes you know big visions
hunger drive like in you know really
important to manage our own state and
have systems and processes routines you
know an any goal that we want any any
result is supported by habits and
rituals and so having the right rituals
in place but the interesting thing about
you know habits and routines and rituals
and you know it's like people you know
get up you know have their bulletproof
coffee then they're doing wim HOF
breathing and they read at 8:00 and they
gotta do this I mean this they got like
an eight hour morning routine eventually
so if we make it so complex for us to
get into a state so people often will do
this too like they create a to-do list
and they create the to-do list so they
can feel in control of their day but
then they have all this all these things
you know that they've written there's
all the stuff they need to do all the
routines and all this stuff and now they
see all that have to do and now they're
they're stressed they're overwhelmed and
so now their to-do list is controlling
them where they wanted to get control
and so we need to know that the targets
that we're hitting for ourselves and our
clients it's always a target of emotion
they you know feeling that we want to
create and others or ourselves and so
how do we get there and sometimes you
know like I've done seminars and you
know I I don't wake up every day you
know I've done like over 3,000 talks for
Tony and a bunch of my own and but you
don't wake up every day like yay another
seminar yeah I get to talk these people
sometimes your back hurting is and
you're tired you haven't slept and you
know you're getting off a flight and so
how do we get ourselves outside of
ourself and so it's conditioned
responses that really help us so there's
certain things that we do but to really
take your life or your business to the
next level it involves feedback so it's
like if you're in sales listening to
your own sales calls or having somebody
else listen to it so feedback you know
coaching where you know it's like
somebody is there with you to hold your
hand to you know to get any result
anything you need a plan like you need
to know what you're shooting for you
need a proven process a strategy and
some support along the way you know
there's somebody kind of hold our hands
in moments because even with a plan and
a process on your own you get stuck
sometimes or you're like you really have
no clue that you know what sucks and
sometimes I listen to somebody sales
call and they're like yeah it's perfect
and I'm like I'm like you know
like no way you know it's like y'all
have blind spots yeah yeah we're just
inside ourselves that other people are
able to notice but no it's not less we
we have that awareness which we can have
but also utilizing other people's
awareness and their feedback and support
you know I think that's you know what
most valuable things yeah and you know
from Tony's seven steps like the
conditioning process you'll have people
say like he'll people feel stuck they
feel like they have a permanent
pervasive problem and he gets them to
define the problem in solvable terms
create these new empowering alternatives
we're not like they feel like that
freedom of choice and then he says well
what are you gonna do in this
environment to make sure there's a
colossal a sound but they feed it back
and then like like if I tell somebody to
do something they doubt it but if they
say it it's true so they need to have
ownership of it so it's it's coaching
people in a way where you're not just
telling your creating stories where they
come to their own conclusions about
something because we all do have that
need for significance and if somebody's
constantly telling you like I hear you
know and Tony's so good at this
it's literally he taught me this one
strategy that the day that I got it we
we did um fight training with the Navy
SEALs in Vegas we shot machine guns all
day and then we eat ate at a private
restaurant underneath the wind with only
four tables and you know Steve Wynn's
one of his clients and so we had this
amazing day and basically Tony just
spent the whole day just mentoring me
and one other guy so it was like
basically like the whole day was pretty
much two of us and Tony that and it was
just like like every question I want to
ask too and just so great but and he had
taught me this before but I really got
it the postering superior equal inferior
and we you know observed and we did all
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